Thursday, July 8, 2010
i finish things.
the moment i woke up this morning everything became clear. i was feeling unsure about committing to another vipassana course for reasons stated in my previous blog post.
i confirmed because, like clint eastwood said in "gran torino"
i finish things.
it's true. i signed up a couple of months ago already. i had been longing to return, (it's been 1.5 years). i was making excuses because i remember how difficult it was. there were times i wanted to flee in terror. the pain. the very unpleasant memories surfacing from the depths of my loins. stuff i would rather not remember.
the teacher was right when i asked him why my fingers were paralyzed after only 40 hours of meditating. and when they would get back to normal. his response
"maybe 5 days, 5 weeks, 5 months or 5 years"
it took 6 months.
this morning i remembered how powerful it was. how much i learned. how much my mind has changed. i realize that one course is only the beginning.
i often think about anicca and relate it to many things in my life.
all things must pass
all things must pass away.
i see s.n. goenka's face in my mind & remember
"may all beings be happy"
i'm an old student now, which has it's privileges. the definition of "old student" is someone who has completed a 10 day course. we are allowed to take shorter courses. this one's a 3-day.
this time dinner is herbal tea without milk, sleeping on the floor, & not being able to be decorated-meaning no jewelry. i'm cool with all of the above except i have never taken out my nose ring since i got it my first trip to india 7 years ago. there's no gem in it. i hope i can keep it in. toe rings that have not been removed in a long time. i suppose those can go. i get my own room, too.
the only thing that can stop me from this is if i can not cover my classes.
buddha willing i can.
bindifry's vipassana experience january 2009